The panic years

Hello again!

What did I say? I told you this posting schedule would be nothing if not unpredictable! I write to you on a freezing Saturday evening from my sofa, experiencing what I can only describe as an early-twenties crisis (dramatic, I know), but recently I've really been contemplating the meaning of being in your twenties, and the postgraduate crisis that I'm sure I'm not the first to experience.

I'm currently doing my Masters, yes, but I have to wonder whether it was the right choice? Or whether I should be going down the other typical postgrad route that is travelling? I worry that I'm missing out on new experiences in the name of doing things 'by the book', if you will. I wonder how much of what I am doing is a product of societal forces that are telling me to buckle down, get qualified, find a job, and so forth? And how all of a sudden, seeing certain friends requires a degree of planning, since we're all off living completely separate lives, and gone are the spontaneous catch ups. Leaving the stability of a 9-5 last year certainly didn't help matters; it altered my whole routine, financial situation and forced me to enter an era of complete unpredictability; but I can't deny this has forced me to really grow up. 

This is not to say that I don't appreciate things at present. I love my friends, I love the life I'm building; I actually really like who I'm becoming, as corny as that may sound. The small things that would have bothered 17-year-old Anya really don't phase me now, and I'm certainly much better at asserting myself. 

And, I also recognise I'm coming from a place of privilege; I mean, imagine being able to choose exactly what I want to do with my life at this point? Ultimately, I know that where I am right now is where I'm meant to be – I'm a big believer in 'everything happens for a reason', whether that be good or not so good. But I can't deny how naïve I was to the crisis one can experience in their early 20s. I don't know whether it's the impermanence of 'home', or the speed at which people now enter and leave my life, but as somebody who has always craved a sense of stability, this postgraduate existence I'm living has certainly thrown me! 

Anyway, just some musings for a Saturday evening – such is life!